We use these three words several times a day, a week and a month. For sure, these don’t mean the same thing every time. No, I am not elaborating on the casual use when we make a small goof up, as trivial as, say having stamped on a fellow passengers foot in a crowded bus.
ALT +BACKSPACE
Today I want to talk about the times when, knowingly or unknowingly, we make a major mistake and where alt+backspace is not an option. As we walk down the highway of life we do indulge in some event, situation, decision – which we cannot undo, at least, not completely. A wrong move, an unkind word to a loved one, neglecting an ailing relative or just a bad turn, are just a few examples. Quite often we commit these unintentionally and these escape our active attention and get forgotten as minor lapses, unless these impact us or someone around us. What makes some mistake major is the impact it can have on us or on the person it affected. What is worse is the cascade impact on many others who, even if not directly affected, get involved indirectly.
SO HOW DO I CORRECT
Many of the mistakes we make are not possible to be undone. If you tell a lie, you can correct it by admitting the truth later but, the lie stands told and undoable. And mistakes that can not be undone with an undo button, place a responsibility on us to effectively and reliably put a corrective.
The first, of course, is to admit and ask for an APOLOGY.
Easier said than done! But do keep in mind that a simple mention of the three words “I’m Sorry” does not always get the Forgiveness. Depending on the magnitude of damage the mistake caused – one must be prepared to pay a price in some form of ‘punishment’.
No, we are not talking of a school master situation where not doing your home work gets a few whacks and matter is rested. Remember – nothing in life comes Free – including an apology. So, before qualifying for an apology – think it out in your mind and decide what is it that you are willing to pay with. The price often may not always be directly proportional to impact you caused, but if there is no price you are willing to pay it conveys that your “sorry is not form within”. The recipient has to see that you are willing to and prepared not to commit the same mistake again and if required pay a price for your APOLOGY to work.
WHAT PRICE DO I PAY?
Most often the price is to face up to the affected person and share the inner most reason that led you to the mistake. Was it intentional? If yes, what was the intent? If not, how could you be casual about it? What drove you there? Like peeling an onion, for the apology to work, the recipient has to reach that inner most layer where s/he sees the real unintended move that led you to this. If s/he cant not see that – s/he will forgive .. but just externally. In this case be prepared not to be forgiven. If s/he can, unless it legal crime – trust me you will be forgiven but there is a price.
Many times the only price we can really pay is a sacrifice. Ask “What exactly am I willing to sacrifice to qualify for this apology?” This could get complicated because the moment we get there, we may develop a tendency to get defensive. And with that we start trading a mistake with a sacrifice. That is precisely wrong. Make sure you stay away from that state. It is a destructive route. Many times a sacrifice could be as simple as “I will render free social service for twenty days or that I won’t smoke ever in life.”
To put it simple, remember the best way to say Sorry for a mistake is not merely to admit it, but to be wiling to pay for it without a frown but with pride and pleasure which conveys your intention that it will never happen again.
End of this post… your comments please!
