NOTE : This is a work of fiction – not mine – and any resemblance to any person living or dead is the problem of that person not mine. I have only copy pasted it from what a friend sent. Yes a Kashmiri friend and yes, I am looking for the author Now Read on .. and do leave a comment!

 1) You have the kashur Nass, we have a face on a nose!! It’s like a nose broken into pieces and then reassembled by a 2 yr old.

2) You luuuuuv food!! No offense to fellow food lovers but we take our love for food one step ahead. And if any Non Kashmiri dares not relish the Kashmiri food – you know s/he has no taste.

3) You take pride in being a Kashmiri. So much so, that you think that the human race should be divided into two groups; People who are Kashmiris and people who wish they were Kashmiris:)

4) You have atleast 10 avtarkishan, hridainath, (and we pronounce it as hadeynath.. just don’t pronounce the r) , santosh, pamposh, usha, bhushan, shanta ..in your family.

5)You like alhach, wangan hach, hogaad.. I think Kashmiris are the only people who dry perfectly good vegetables and then eat them…

6) All through your childhood you thought your father’s name was ” HEY YAPARHASA”.

7)You learnt all the Kashmiri” WOH WOH” before you even learnt how to spell your name..

8)You look at non kashmiri people and say ” Uhn shikass”

9)Get excited when you see a Kashmiri on television even if he’s standing in the corner and all you can see is his finger…” Oh look Kashmiri..”

10) Your sense of fun is having batta and sleeping..

11) You are obsessed with gass and mandloo..

12) You go to a Kashmiri gathering and turns out the next person is your relative that you haven’t ever met.. some mamtur poftur bouy..

13) Your father addresses every person as ” this is my another brother ” turns out that person is the next door neighbor’s sweeper’s son.

14)You have a typical Kashmiri name like sheen, sondri gondri, sukta..

15) If you translate Kashmiri into Hindi in an attempt to speak Hindi. “hum ghar main teen aurtey hain”-” uss chi gharass manjh trey zanaan”

“airport pay takleef mut aaya” – “airport peth maa ove takleef.”

16) Your mom gets scared at every tiny thing and says “kossay trath hey payam”.. and then reads the yindrakhi paath.

17) You are a doctor or an engineer. Every one else has wasted his career.

18) You eat every single organ of the goat like the chagul( goat testicles) , charvan( liver), hooves, the kidneys we don’t spare any part.

19) You have the funniest surname…

zalpuri ( zall which means pee) whyyyyy..
kakroo. ( I need not explain that:)
mattooo (obese) , kher ( donkey) or what Kashmiris call ” Dunkey”
wattal (garbage man).. pure genius..

20) Have a thick accent and pronounce scotch as ssakaych.. or smoke as ssamokh. On accents, you pronounce Milk as Milick and silk as Silick, Switch as suwch.

21) Have the weirdest style of dancing as if you are screwing two bulbs.

22) When your mother yells into the phone because its a long distance call!!

23) Your real birthday is called “cake vohorvod” and the one that you celebrate never falls on the same day each year!

24) You go into a Kashmiri store just to show off how much you know about Kashmiri artifacts but buy nothing..

25) You stuff people with food even if they are bursting up to their throats

26) You prefer kandarwaan over the baguette..

27) While going for an exam your mother asks the kachravol or the dodhwol to walk to your right..

28) Your mother sees some women on television with skimpy clothes and calls her shikass mach, nang mach!!

29) Your father teaches you how to drive and all he can tell you is breyk breyk breyk and when you finally stop he says gggassuuu pppakooo..

30) “hello hello bi chass b” is your theme song..

31) Have at least 5 wokhuls and kajwatt in your house – even though you can’t recall when these were  last used.

 

 

 

 The Kashmiri Boy here is not the author of this piece but represents, perhaps, the last generation that will live this identity!